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Date: 11.10.2018, 13:36 / View: 62154

This is an article about sex with people. For other uses of this method, see. How correctly: Having sex (meanings)

Detailed description and physiological requirements for the implementation of the process of having sex. Content

You, like billions of the same curious people, animals, flies and single-celled, instead of having sex, are busy searching for answers to the eternal questions, “Why do you need sex?” And “Why not do something else?” Short answer to your burning questions: sex is needed for making children. You ask, “Is it really impossible to do something differently - for example, to plane a child out of a log, as old Pope Carlo did?” To answer this disarming question, we will give you a brief historical background. Brief historical background [edit]

So, what methods of manufacturing the younger generation are known to us? Method number 1 - Cognition

And Adam cognized himself. And Eve his wife found out about it, and she threw Adam and went to the serpent. (Genesis 4: 1)

You will know a lot, you will soon grow old. (Ecclesiastes 1:18)

For a modern person, this method may seem wild, but 3,000 years ago nothing better was invented. Abraham knew himself and begat Isaac; Isaac begat Jacob; Jacob fathered Judah and his brothers ... Azor fathered Zadok; Zadok begat Achim; Achim begat Eliud; Eliud begat Eleazar; Eleazar became the father of Matthan; Matthan begat Jacob; Jacob fathered Joseph, and away we go. With all the consequences for progressive humanity.

This old-fashioned way had serious flaws: Not everyone had the ability to learn. In addition, knowledge has led to a catastrophic reduction in life expectancy, and the reproduction of the exclusively male population of the planet has put the human race on the brink of extinction. As they say, they finished the game. This method did not always lead to the expected result. Over time, people became less and less aware of themselves and more and more often - each other. As a result of such knowledge, instead of children, only the philosophy of humanism and various useless scientific discoveries began to appear.

Modern science recognizes the way of knowledge as a dead end, since nothing good can be expected from it. Method number 2 - Love

That from love there are children, you remember late. and. Guberman

Love is a carrot. Useless and, as practice shows, fruitless occupation and loss of precious time that could be spent on productive sex. If your hands are still itching to make love, about how to do it properly, you can read it at your leisure, in your spare time. Method number 3 - Sex

The only serious production method that combines the useful with the pleasant. Think about it. And take sex seriously and responsibly. After all, now you understand the importance of doing it. Disadvantages of sex [edit]

Sexually transmitted diseases, sexually transmitted diseases are the main side effect of sex. But this should not stop you. Especially, if you plan to have sex exclusively with yourself, which theoretically should not cause personal problems or defective offspring. How do you want to have sex [edit]

If you ask this question, it means that, most likely, you do not want to have sex. To want, you need to understand the reasons for reluctance. Perhaps you are too persistent in thinking about knowledge or love. Apparently, this is a consequence of reading inappropriate literature, which caused unhealthy fantasies. We advise you to read every day on the night of Chapter 1 of this guide, and you will have a new desire - sex. Perhaps reluctance is a consequence of the accident: the girl you liked in kindergarten said that she loved some Vovka and not you, the boy you liked in school refused to kiss you (still, he was just too Yun for this, the boys grow up later) - and in the end you are carried away by something else: aircraft construction, ballroom dancing, writing articles for Absurdopedia. Repression of the desire for sex by other desires is called sublimation. If this happens to you, take a de-sublimation: Forget about airplanes, dances, articles. I am ashamed to do this! Replace the frustrated desire to make planes, dance, write, desire sex. Feel how beautiful it is.

Now you are ready for the Main. We are also ready to give you instructions on how this is the main to engage in. True love trilogy.

The universally recognized guide to action in the world is the KAMA trilogy, which includes books: "Kama in the morning" "Kama in the night" "Kama always"

Kama is a book about true love. She talks about how to bring pleasure to a virgin, how to seduce a widow, how to wake up passion in the impotent, how to surprise a spouse and many other interesting things.

The main provisions of the "Kama": Men are divided into goats, donkeys, rams, stallions, peacocks and French dog. Females are divided into kittens, crickets, elephants, rabbits, giraffe and chickens. Real animals have sex only with representatives of their own species, although sometimes there are incidents, for example, in donkeys and horses. Because they have everything simple and mundane. In the light of the above, people have to, on the one hand, get out of the inconsistency created by the species differences, and on the other hand, this same inconsistency gives rise to numerous options that can turn sex into an amazing, astounding and breathtaking event, corresponding to the most cherished desires of partners . For this you need to use love games and poses.

"Kama" offers a variety of poses that allow you to have sex. The evolution of the poses proposed by Kama is shown in the following table: Kama with in the morning. Kama at night. Kama is always.

As you can see, for the majority of the poses you will need serious physical training. Therefore, we advise you to do physical exercises on a daily basis and, moreover, to carefully rehearse the chosen pose before applying it during sex.

As for the games, their description will not fit in any guide. But we still mention some of them in the following chapters. 1001 questions about IT [edit]

In the Soviet Union, where there was no sex, an alternative guide was adopted - “1001 questions about IT”, excerpts from which we give below. Prepare the chosen place for this session [edit]

You do not know how to create an atmosphere in the house for this? Turn on quiet, slow, peaceful music. Hide the penguins, close the windows (so as not to forgive). Turn on the stove, irons, televisions. Create an atmosphere of warmth and comfort. Kill cockroaches and other animals (harmful, such that can scare away the goal). Turn off the stoves, irons, televisions (so as not to be distracted). Silks, nets and traps placed around the perimeter of the cherished places of temptation and posting the goal. In order to be completely pleasant, it is recommended to upholster the entire room with soft mattresses and wear an old Slavic shirt-fool. Select an object to do this [edit] Komsomol Do It!

Attention! THIS MAY BE IMPLEMENTED ONLY UNDER THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS! Option A - you are a girl (GOST 666-32) [edit] He (with whom you want to accomplish this) - A young man, a man, a muzhik, a non-Bulgarian, not from Birobidzhan, I don’t remember? Is his member present? Have you seen? If there is no complete confidence, apply a blow with a gentle leg to the groin area, in order to hit this groin area, in order to produce the paralytic effect of the complete obstruction of the right family glands. Option two - without hitting touch. Sexually transmitted diseases no / yes / I do not understand (underline the necessary)? Condoms are available? Do you have enough money for a taxi? Option B - You are a man (GOST 667-32) [edit] She (with whom you want to do it) - Girl, Frau, Bulgarian, Pilka, Leg? Is the member missing? Ask for coughing and thrust her finger into her ear. The main sign of a fake are the seminal glands that fall out when coughing (Opened by Dr. Lopata in 1833 BC. E. And, u.e.) No venereal diseases / yes / me to go (necessary dictate into the microphone, is it directly at the lens)? Condoms do not matter if you fly in - she is obliged to take husband as husband. Option B - you are Mosk (GOST 666-666) [edit] He (with whom do you want to do it) - Cthulhu? Is his appetite present? Does it hurt bite? Touch for intimate places will be? Option D - You are the Head (GOST 637-24) [edit] He / she (who do you want to do it with) - Subordinate? Is he / she a forerunner? Is her brain present? (however, it does not matter) Is there a medal "Veteran of Labor" / "Drummer of Labor"? (the rest, in general, is also unimportant) Sex on the Internet is safe! Option D - You are the Administrator (GOST 256-1024) [edit] It (with whom you want to implement it) - nix system? Build by Linus Ibn Khatab Zidane Todwalds-Engels? Is there hardware to awaken the holy spark? Check the battery charge of the cell phone, money for beer, unshaven presence, scratch the belly and open the fifth chakra and the USSR channel. Prepare for pleasure, are you ready? Prepare yourself and your partner for this session. [Edit] Proletarian, buy a condom! Get undressed (completely). Strip the girl, the young man, the grandmother, the grandfather, a stool, a candy, a tartlet, a cupboard, a newspaper, a tangerine, Irinka and CONDOM !!! Set the condom (GOST 7715-67, recommended. GOST 8213-74) in a vertical position, be prepared for the fact that he does not get up, cross your fingers. Remove the condom. Sell ​​the soul, but get it. You can sell a kidney for a pack or half the kingdom for a wheelbarrow. Open the package. Then open the package with a condom and you will get such a wonderful fingertip. Continue to open the packs until you collect full (2pcs) gloves. Now you can proceed to further action. Set member. Only as it follows that the ears do not stick out from under it, but it is dangerous. Measure the working length and diameter of the tool. Report the results to the partner. If the diameter is 20 mm or less, wrap the instrument with GOST 16214-86 tape to obtain the required diameter. Apply solid oil TsIATIM-201 GOST 6267-74 with a layer of at least 10 mm. Carefully place the condom on the penis. Carefully ensure that there are no conflicts between penis and condom type devices. Repeat step 5 Lie down on the bed. Lay on the bed partner. Lay better than an uppercut, so as not to relax. Lie down on the body. Implementation of this [edit] Note: To better meet all the actions, it is recommended to perform in accordance with GOST 388313-03. Begin introducing a condom into the lower part of the female clitoral-vaginal complex at a speed of 0.05 m / s up to the stop. Make the exit procedure and repeat after 3 ms. clause 2.1 (it is recommended to perform with a period of up to 0.5 s) Clauses 1 and 2 should be carried out before the onset of NIRVANA (GOST 16553-53). After completing these procedures, perform the steps opposite to those described in section 1. Note [edit] This should not happen on the bed, but on the mattress. Attention! Avoid trying to pack a used condom. If this is still possible, reuse of the condom is not recommended. Reuse of sexual partner, apply to taste.

Today I realized that I really want to engage in sex, but I will not. Because it is boring. What can you do? One reader about sex Assortment of a sex shop.

If you are not helped either by Kama Sutra or by “1001 questions about this,” we will advise you to visit the sex shop. Sex shop is a store selling goods for the proper sex. If you think that you can find only “Viagra” and hygienic products here, you are deeply mistaken: this nonsense can be bought at any pharmacy. Another thing - sex shop. Here you can buy everything. Yes, literally everything. From pioneer form to chocolate in the shape of George Bush’s head. These products are designed to help you conduct love games as described in Kama, or in the way you think of it. Be sure, here you will find something that will help realize the most incredible fantasies, what you have dreamed of since childhood, then ... well, see for yourself! Consultation with a sexologist [edit]

If you have problems with sex, consult your sexlog. A sexologist is a special doctor who will help you to have sex properly.

Do not be afraid of him! He will not give a shot or give an enema. Even if you ask him about it for an additional fee. But he can persuade your partner to do it, if this is exactly what your order was about.

So that you can see for yourself, we got a videotape of reception at the sexologist. Unfortunately, the quality of the recording leaves much to be desired, so we present its transcript so that it is convenient for you to understand.

So, the married couple - Vanya and Manya - at the reception at the Doctor Seksmana.

Vanya: Doctor, I would like her to handcuff me to the battery and lash it with a whip! And then she leaned over to me and gently and gently asked: "Honey, did it hurt you?"

Manya: I can't! I can not!!!

Dr. S: Why?

Manya: Because ... (sobs) because ... because I love him !!! (crying)

Dr. S: Well, well! Well, well, Maria, do not cry! Ivan, what caused your desire?

Vanya: Ah! Manya! She is so extraordinary! Beautiful !!! Special !!! And I ... I'm so ordinary!

Manya: No! No!!! All the way around! This is Vanya special!

Vanya: You see, doctor?

Dr. S: I see!

Manya: I want tenderness! Because I love him dearly!

Vanya: That's what our problem is! Manya is special, unusual, beautiful, but, alas, completely vanilla.

Manya: What? !!

Vanya: Vanya ...

Manya: Bastard! Gad! You know, I HATE vanilla ice cream! I love strawberry, chocolate, pistachio, but vanilla is disgusting!

Vanya: Manechka, this is just a term for ...

Manya: So I will show you the term !!! (beats Vanya with a magazine over the head)

Vanya: Yes! Yes!!!

Manya: No! No!!! (kicks Vanya with his foot from the chair)

Vanya: Yes, yes, right !!!

Manya: No, no, not so! (Throws chair at Vanya)

Vanya: Oooooh!

Manya: Ahhhh! (throws a couch into Vanya)

Vanya: Uyyy!

Manya: Banzai! (grabs Vanya by the collar, throws his head on the battery)

Vanya: More! Still!!!

Manya: There you are, you bastard! (kicks Vanya with his foot) Here you are, you bastard! (furiously pounding Vanya with a stethoscope)

Vanya: Ahhhh! Painfully! Maaaaaaaa!

Manya: Here's your mom! (Beats Vanya with a chair)

Vanya: Corvalol! Corvalol!

Dr. S: (grabs mobile) Hello! Hello! My patient has a bad heart!

Manya: Nerd! This is a stop word! (pushes the doctor out the door)

Dr. S: Hey! ... Hey! I have a reception! Other patients will be here soon!

Vanya and Manya chorus: And you went, doctor!

Manya: Honey, did you hurt? (cuts out the light)

Further on the film are illegible shadows and even less intelligible rustles and groans, so we cannot determine what, in fact, the consultation ended. Unconventional sex [edit]

Unconventional sex has always existed, but it was in the 20th century AD er It has become widespread outside of narrow circles. In fact, the correct scientific name for this phenomenon is the unconventional use of sex. Traditional application, as you already know from this Guide, is pleasure and reproduction (according to the USSR adepts, the fulfillment of marital debt is also a traditional area of ​​application).

It is difficult to list all non-traditional uses of sex. Therefore, we list only some of them. If you think that we have missed something important, write to our Editors or boldly expand this section. Ah, this energy would be yes for peaceful purposes ... Sex for approval and / or self-affirmation. [edit]

A well-known character, referring to his beloved woman, says: "I threw 12 women, 9 threw me ...". Why does he tell her all this? And because the number of sexual partners raises his self-esteem in his eyes, and therefore he believes that in her eyes he will look like a hero. However, the lady was not impressed by the number of women, but by the passion with which he spoke about it. Sex for politics [edit]

These include: Political prostitution. It was first noticed, described and tested by Lenin. (Clinton Lewinsky is a more comprehensible variant for the present youth). Promotion of someone / something under the seven-color flags; Strolling lessons under the guise of "Fighting for a single race and a single gender"

There is nothing to add.

(And there will be no pictures! We don’t even want to insert this into a book!) Breeding? .. Sex for advertising [edit]

This is done like this, as shown in the pictures.

Here, too, nothing to add.

Almost brain creators of this minute of silence.

And move on to the next chapter. From the letters of our readers [edit]

Dear Editors! I have a question: something quickly all my men bother me. Year or two we meet, and tired! You can take to the dump. True, at the same time, the "soul kinship" remains - I just can not get rid of it, even if I make a new one for myself! Like we remain friends, but I get a bastard like this: I have a new one already and I’ve called the old one and terribly jealous (is it really a banal possessiveness?) I must somehow deal with all this ... to the sexologist need, eh? Peter

Answer: Dear Peter, since you are apparently okay with sex, you definitely do not need a sex therapist! If you want, you can contact a psychologist on the issue of incontinence, because you often fall in love, and then falling in love turns into a good male friendship; however, perhaps you are just very young, and true love is still to come. Sincerely, Editors.

Hello! The fact is that I practically ceased to like women. Previously, I liked only the beauties of which one in 100 thousand. But lately I have stopped believing in them. All this - the result of cosmetics. I will not be unsubstantiated: So what should I do? For about six months, I was looking for the answer to the question - “what does a woman want,” and when I found ... bang ... disappointed. The crown of my insight and disappointment was the viewing of photos of Ani Semenovich without cosmetics (photos were not fake, as they had on their website), which I had previously considered one of the most beautiful women. What do you advise? Disappointed

Answer: Dear Disappointed! We will advise you to buy glasses. Women who do not use cosmetics, no less than women who use cosmetics; you can distinguish the first from the second with the naked eye in good light and with the condition that everything is in order with your eyesight. Put on your glasses, go outside during the daytime, and watch carefully! We wish you success, Revision.

Ladies and gentlemen. Recently, I realized for myself that I fall in love exclusively with ugly (VERY ugly) men. I am extremely good by myself, but the “beauty and the beast” scenario has not let me go for many years. Understood this from a conversation with a psychologist on the train. She asked me how I loved fairy tales in my childhood ... And I remembered that I was terribly impressed by the fairy tale about the Scarlet Flower, and the fairy tale about Ivanushka-Durachkov infuriated me ... .. Tell me, I really ask ... Anastasia K.

Answer: Dear Anastasia, Nastasya, Nastya !!! Try changing the name! For example, Vasilisa. Or Elena. They say the name affects the fate ... Sincerely, Editors.

Dear Editors! My wife all the time accuses me of constantly thinking about sex! I constantly sit and dream, imagine it in different poses and situations, as we do different things with it. Because of this, the household stands idle, which is bad, because we have a peasant house. She says I'm not a man. She's right? Basil

Answer: Dear Vasily! Your wife is absolutely right: a real man does not think about sex, he does it! Throw empty dreams and please your wife, having realized your fantasies in practice! Sincerely, Editors.

I can not stop ....... I meet a guy and often on the first evening I find myself in bed with him ....... I can not press the brakes ....... I feel like I’m about to miss something .......... of course I love sex ... But I understand that I go to bed with the first nice guy in the club, somehow too much ... ... what happened to me? What complex can?

Answer: Dear Reader, you have the right feeling! Listen to him and do not miss the opportunity to get what you love! Sincerely, Editors.

I am interested in your opinion about girls who themselves meet guys. For some reason it seems to me that if the girl herself starts dating, it means that she has something wrong. Otherwise, it would cling to her, and she would not “cling”. Is this true or nonsense? What does this even mean? Guy90

Answer: Dear Guy, this means that you are fine: otherwise, the girls would not want to get to know you. And if everything is in order with the girls, you find out for yourself in the process of dating. Sincerely, Editors.

Hello! My name is Masha! My husband wants me all the time! It would seem nice? But I don’t have time to eat, or tidy up my apartment, or even to my%: write a letter ... And now –256 i'm sorry for the pain

Answer: Dear Masha! Where did you find this beauty! This is a treasure! This is a mature man !!! Cling in with your teeth, hands, feet and do not let go! Excuse me for ophthalmology, we write it in the machine! We are already going to see you, Masha! Your reda

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